Ever heard of the “Dog Whisperer?”

Posted by abraham.williams@gmail.com on in Dogs


I’ve had dogs for many parts of my life. I thought I knew how to handle dogs. I’d never trained them really, but in Oklahoma, people weren’t very thoughtful when it came to dogs. At least, I say this because dogs usually ran around free or were chained in the front yard. I thought that’s how you did it.

Having lived 20 or more years later and moved to San Francisco where I live with my wife and children, I have a different picture now. In this city, there is serious dog etiquette in place. People like to interact with dogs, and I mean other people’s dogs. When I grew up in Oklahoma, I learned quickly to stay away from dogs you don’t know. I’ve been bitten a few times. There were some houses you couldn’t bicycle in front of, unless you were planning on sprinting. Here in San Francisco, it’s dog central and the dogs are managed pretty tightly.

It was about 3 years ago when we got “Frida”. She looks pretty cute with my kids here in this picture. When I first saw her in front of Best In Show, a local pet supply store, she was tied up away from the other dogs. I guess that made her stand out, but I didn’t know she was tied up away for a specific reason. I got a sign quite soon. We started filling out the paperwork and another dog came by and she lunged and bit the pooch. The handler put her on the ground and said “No!”. She said, “Oh yeah, she’s got fear aggression.” This was about as clear of a sign as you could get. I guess we were caught in the romantics of rescue and we took Frida home.

She was extremely submissive to everyone who came to greet her. She was so frightened, she would urinate. We would tell her, “It’s OK Frida. You don’t have to be afraid. This is Jerry.” I suppose we felt better for saying it, but she continued to urinate when petted by strangers. She would also lunge at dogs. I’d put her on the ground and say, “No!” She still did it. I began to avoid other people with dogs.

Since we lived about two blocks from a dog park where there’s a big dog owner crowd that very social, I kept trying. One man said, “Just let her off her leash and the dogs will sort it out.” This was her behavior.

Dog comes within her range. She gets flat to ground. Other dog notices it’s being stalked. She begins to move like a cheetah, slowly walking with belly close to ground and then, BOOM! She sprints and attacks the other dog. It’s quick. It’s over. Then, they play. “Ah, see?” says the man. So, this is how we did it. Walked to the park hoping we didn’t come close to other dogs and then let her do her flat-as-a-badger stalk-like-a-cheetah thing. This went OK, until an owner complained that my dog was aggressive. I was surprised and offended. I thought I had been told how to do it and this person was just too sensitive. However, as Frida continued this behavior, the other owners began to ask me to put her on a leash. Looking back, no kidding!

To make matters worse, a neighbor’s kid pulled her ear. She then started growling at him. We took a two week vacation somewhere along this line and when we came back, she was down right vicious and could no longer be tied in front of the coffee shop. She tried to attack people!

I contacted multiple people on how to handle aggressive dogs. No one returned my calls! Except for one lady and, eager to learn, I attended her class. Her whole shtick was how to avoid other dogs. She taught us to run away as a game. That was it! Just run away. I thought that was a load of crap. Desperate, we considered putting the dog down. We didn’t like the idea. We rescued her. What kind of rescuers are we if we put her down? I walked her early in the morning and late in the evenings. What was interesting was that we had a dog walker. And, this dog walker would put Frida in the back of a truck with about 6 other dogs and drive her to a big open space area 2 days a week. Frida was no problem there.

One night, I had just walked Frida, and was flipping through the channels. I saw this guy holding a pit bull down while it screamed. Jeez, I thought this guy was like the Croc Hunter or something. I watched the rest of the show. It was all about handling dogs and it was called the Dog Whisperer. I started to watch other episodes. This guy could fix aggressive dogs. I started taking notes.

It was Exercise, Discipline, and Affection, in that order. You have to not think of them as a human. You have to be the dominate one. You have to be the pack leader. You have to let the dog know that you are the confident leader and to let them know when they are out of line. You need to tell the dog like a mother dog would tell them. And, above all, NEVER LET THEM WALK IN FRONT OF YOU! This explicitly tells the dog that they are the leader. They are leading and making the decisions if they are in front of you. In other words, “master the walk”.

He talked about stopping the behavior before it escalates. I listened to every word he said and I began to use it. I would walk with Frida and I found I knew her signs. I just didn’t know what to do when I recognized them. However, I knew now. I got a chain collar and got a 6 foot leash. I learned to put the collar up high around the neck. Have you ever seen the dog with the chain collar that pulls with all it’s might? Check where that collar is. It’s probably way down the neck.

Whenever Frida would start to flatten her ears and make for the attack, I would give her a quick tug on the leash to me and accompany it with a “SHH!” sound. Early on, it didn’t work at first. I had to tug hard and be quick with the sound. There were times that I had to poker her with my fingers and use the “SHH!” sound. I continued to watch the show and made corrections where necessary. I got my wife to stop being led around by Frida.

I also learned how to break her fear with things. This is the coolest thing I have seen with regard to dogs. On New Year’s Eve, I had a family dinner over at an Uncle’s house. My cousin has a big fluffy husky, just the kind of dog to make Frida attack. I took Frida in the back yard and as soon as she saw this big husky, she tried to turn around and run. I gave her the “SHH!” sound and made her come to me. I put her in a sit/stay and the other dog came over. Frida practically screamed as she lunged at the husky. I grabbed her and put her on the ground, which is ALL DOGS natural submissive state. I forced her into submission. She fought. She growled. She bit and snarled and screamed and people asked me to stop! I held her there. The husky was perfect…running and barking around her making her even more nervous. Every time she made a bark, a growl, a bite, or whatever I gave her the finger poke in the neck with the “SHH!” and gradually over about 5 to 10 minutes, she relaxed. She got to where she relaxed completely. She laid there while I got up and walked away. She stayed in submission while the husky kept on circling her. I said, “OK.” and she leapt up and I kid you not, they played all night! I have 10 witnesses.

Cesar Milan, Thank YOU! I know how to handle aggressive dogs now. I am totally the pack leader of my dog. And the craziest thing is she is so relaxed now. She’s not “cured” in that the behavior still exists and I correct it, but over time it’s so much less than what it was. Often, she doesn’t even look at another dog when we are walking. She knows it’s not OK. She goes to the bathroom on command. I’m even training her to do dog agility tricks now. I’ve learned how to train dogs and it’s pretty cool.

I don’t think I need an expert on this one, just thought I’d post for others to learn from.

The Little Fairy

Posted by abraham.williams@gmail.com on in Children's Story 8 Comments

Here’s a new story with the old woman of the forest.  I call it “The Little Fairy”.  Enjoy.  Podcast coming soon.

“The Little Fairy”
From the Tales of the Old Woman of the Forest
by
Abraham Williams

Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Dime, settle down children, it’s story time!

A long time ago, deep in the woods, there lived an old woman. She had long, long white hair and dark, dark blue eyes. She lived by herself in a little cottage. She kept a garden and looked after the woods, generally speaking.

All the animals loved the old woman. She always brought them food and kind words. Each day, many of the animals would come and sit by her door as the sun set.

The old woman had little companionship except for the animals. Her house was always in good order with only herself to look after. Each day she spent tending her garden and harvesting its bounty.

One day, there was a rabbit that came by. He was a little rabbit and he was limping. “Oh, my poor leg,” the rabbit cried. The old woman came close to the little rabbit. “Dear Rabbit, what has happened to you?” she asked. “I was caught in patch of thorns, but I tore myself free,” said the little rabbit. The old woman picked up the small white rabbit, looked at his badly scratched leg, and took him inside. There she cleaned and wrapped his wound and fed him warm carrot soup. She and the little rabbit spoke thru the evening about the forest and the surrounding world. “My name is Edgar,” the little rabbit said. “I’ve lived in these woods all my life.” The old woman said, “My name is Mathilda, but I’m known as the Old Woman of the Forest to most that pass here.”

The old woman offered Edgar a place to sleep for the night by the warm fire. There Edgar slept very well and opened his eyes in the morning to find even more hot food before him. “Thank you Old Woman of the Forest. You have treated me most kind. I’ve been quite lucky to stay here with you while I heal. Why, I could have been a hungry dog’s meal!” Edgar said. For
your kindness, I must tell Nathaniel, King of the Rabbits and all
underground burrows less than 10 pebbles high, and you should be
rewarded. “I’ll have no reward at all. Your company was enjoyment enough,” the old woman replied. The
rabbit pleaded to call her name to the King of Rabbits and spoke of the
other forest animals who gave her high praise as well.

Upon the next day, Edgar’s paw was much better. He hopped slowly at first, and then gained speed. In no time at all, he could race as fast as before. “I will not be a hungry dog’s supper thanks to the Old Woman of the Forest!” he said. And, with that, he was off.

The
old woman continued passing her days tending the garden until one day,
a very large brown rabbit with grey around his eyes and mouth
approached. He was followed by 2 brown field mice. “Old Woman of the Forest, I do call upon you to bestow upon you a gift from Nathaniel, King of the Rabbits!” he said. He reached into his bag and pulled out a large book. It was full of neatly handwritten pages. On the cover, it was written “Forest Magic”. The old woman tried to refuse this special gift, but the rabbit replied, “It would be an insult to the King of Rabbits! This book is given to you because you have a kind heart. With this book, you do formally become the keeper of the forest. As you hold this book, each day that passes will be guaranteed a kind heart.”

The old woman carefully took the book and thanked the old brown rabbit. “Thank Nathaniel, King of the Rabbits and all burrows less than 10 pebbles high, for his most gracious gift. I will give it the utmost care.” And with that, the old brown rabbit and the 2 brown field mice left the old woman.

The Old Woman of the forest went into her cottage and opened the book. There were all manner of recipes for all manner of things. There
were recipes for Bullfrogs with wings, Dulacorns (which are unicorns
with two horns), and giant birds which are agreeable enough to ride! The old woman thought she ought to start small as this was her first use of forest magic. Then she found a recipe for a fairy! She thought it might be nice to share her cottage and time with a fairy. The
recipe called for a small wooden box and a hand-woven cloth to cover
the top, Mosquito or moth wings, mud, a bit of saliva from a kind
hearted old woman and a few words. That was it!

Quickly she found some pieces of wood and fashioned a small box. Then, she set to finger weaving with yarn until she had made a piece large enough to cover the box. This was easily done as the box was no bigger than two fists. The old woman searched high and low for wings until she found a moth on a window ledge that had passed. Gently she took the wings and placed them in the box with some mud she scraped from the pond’s edge. She remembered the saliva. The recipe said she needed a teaspoon. As best as she could figure, that was about 2 spits. So, she spat twice into the box, covered the box with the cloth and spoke the words from the recipe.

“In this box I do expect to see,
by the sun’s early dawn,
a fairy winking at me.
She should be sweet,
she should be fair,
and more than not,
she should fly through the air.
I wish I may as I wish I might,
turn this mix into a fairy tonight!”

With that, she placed the box on her shelf and went to bed. Although the thought of a new fairy friend made the old woman quite excited and she had a hard time sleeping. Up and up again she would go, checking under the cloth to see what might be happening. “A watched pot never boils,” she would say. Finally, just before dawn, the old woman could not keep her eyes from closing and soon drifted off to sleep. Not long after…

A small voice was calling, “Hello. Hello. Please let me out.” The old woman began to stir and the voice called again. “Please, please lift this cover. Oh, is there anyone there?” The old woman sat up straight and couldn’t believe her ears. She raced to the box, stumbling over her bed slippers. She lifted back the lid and there was the fairy!

“Well Hello little Fairy, please do come out!” the old woman said. With that, the little fairy hopped out of the box and on to the table. “You must be starved,” said the old woman, “Let me get you some tea.” She put a kettle on and asked, “From where did you come little fairy?” “I don’t suppose I know.” said the fairy. “All I know is I’m here and thank you so much for opening that cover!” The fairy had other words. “Just so you know, as a fairy, there are certain things that I must do.”

“First, I must be able to fly out of the house at night when the moon rises. So a window must be open at all times. Just a crack, mind you.  Also,
I’ll need the company of other fairies because a fairy dancing by
herself in the moonlight just isn’t as fun as dancing with three or
four others.”

“Certainly.” said the old woman. “Secondly,” said the fairy. “I must be put to good use. A fairy with idle hands is quite restless and can get mischievous. The most interesting work for a fairy to do is to almost be seen by someone making their way thru the woods. Please do ask me to do such things so that I may love to work!”

The old woman wasn’t quite sure what she’d gotten herself into. “Here’s your tea little fairy. And, I do have a job for you. After you finish your tea, please find me some lady bugs for my garden. They keep the aphids away, you know.”

When the fairy finished her tea, she fluttered out into the new world. The old woman happily cleaned the teapot and took a seat in her chair to rest her mind and bones. It wasn’t long before the fairy returned with two ladybugs.

“Put me down!” said one. “Unhand me this minute!” the other said. “I brought you the lady bugs just as you asked old woman of the forest. Aren’t they just perfect?” the fairy asked. One of the lady bugs managed to wriggle free of the fairy’s grasp and flew about the house. “Help!” the lady bug cried as the fairy gave chase. All over the house they flew. The old woman came to aid. “Fairy, Fairy do please let the poor thing be!” the old woman hollered. The little fairy smiled and stopped chasing the harried insect and the lady bug came to rest on a nearby ledge. “If you wanted me to come to your garden Fairy, you could have just asked! Here I was minding my own business and you come flying along and grab me by my leg. I was in the middle of something you know! Honestly, fairies can be so inconsiderate!”

The ladybug was quite irritated. “I’m sorry,” the old woman said. “I had no idea my request for ladybugs would have caused such a disruption! I have some aphids in my garden and I had asked the fairy to bring me some ladybugs such as you to help rid my garden of them.” “Aphids!?” the ladybugs asked. “Where are they? I mean where’s your garden? Can we go there now?” “Follow me!” and the fairy led both bugs into the garden. They quickly set to searching the plants for the tasty aphids. “If you had said Aphids, we would have come gladly!” The ladybugs said in unison.

“Alls well that ends well,” the fairy said. The old woman shook her head. “Little fairy, I think we’ll do well together you and I. Perhaps next time we can draw ladybugs here with stories of tasty treats instead of pulling them by their legs!” “I’m tired,” the fairy said, and with a wink, headed into her box. With the fairy gone, the old woman relished the quiet. She had never had such a ruckus in her home. She knew the fairy would be asking for work soon, so quickly she put her mind to rest. The old woman of the forest thought it better not to wonder what the next fairy task would bring.

Homelessness Part 2

Posted by abraham.williams@gmail.com on in Homelessness 1 Comment

For the last few days, there’s been someone sleeping on my corner. I remember passing them whilst walking the dog. I thought it was odd that the person was sitting in the middle of the sidewalk with twelve or so coats and suitcases scattered around them. However, living in San Francisco, just off Market street, I’m somewhat accustomed.

The next day the person was gone. The day after that the person returned. From night until well in the middle of the next day, they were still there sleeping under a pile of coats.

I have lots of thoughts in my head about people who are living on the streets. This was one of my first posts. I have some guilt around it…as if I should help them get back on their feet. I have a house and they don’t. I feel like a “have” and I feel like they are a “have-not”. However, fear of what a conversation with them might bring to me usually keeps me from getting involved with helping someone off the street. I feel like since they know where I live, I might be called upon when I’d rather not be called upon. I’ve been asked for money by desperate people way too often in this city. For this and other reasons, I just pass them.

Today as I pass, I find there is a fresh pile of “humanure” on the side walk. Right where my children and I walk every day. I was quite disgusted and assumed this person who had been sleeping twenty feet away had done this. I might have been wrong. It was time for them both to go in my mind.

A call to public works got a steam cleaning scheduled and a call to the police station had the person evicted from the corner. I felt guilty for calling the police to move them. Calling the authorities to bother someone less fortunate than me doesn’t bring me joy. This is when I had my next thought and this is where I need an expert opinion.

As someone who raises children, I’m aware of some extremely effective methods for raising an independent and responsible thinker. I apply some of these methods as best as I can. One of the principles that these methods are built on is this: Don’t reward behavior you don’t want else you condone it.

For example, when a child asks for something, don’t move until they say it as a polite request. If you get them water when they command you to, they learn to command you to get them water. This is obviously is not what one desires from a child. When children use potty talk, get up immediately and with a smile take their hand and say, “Oh, do you need to go to the bathroom.” This teaches the power and the appropriateness of words. It also gets you the behavior you want. Now, to my point.

It seems that the city of San Francisco wants to provide a safe, clean city for it’s residents with law and order. In order to provide this, they provide the services of police who will remove homeless people from your corner and a city cleaner to steam clean your sidewalk. The city provides these services free of charge. By providing these services, it seems to me the city condones vagrants sleeping and defecating on my neighborhood’s corner.

By allowing the behavior to exist and continue without consequence, the city therefore condones it. By allowing your children to command you to get their water, you condone it. This is the same to me. Now, you may not mean to condone your child commanding you, but this is the message received by the child because the child commanded water and received it. It worked to the child. The city may not mean to condone it, but this is the message sent to the vagrant. The city sends the message, “You can sleep here for free unless someone complains and feel free to poop on the sidewalk. We’ll clean it up.”

I think this is totally wrong wrong wrong. I think the city has taken the wrong approach by assuming the responsibility. I think the city should enforce that the responsibility lies with them. Experts please weigh in.